Advanced Care Planning: Never Too Early (or Too Late)

Most people have heard the term "advanced care planning." Far fewer have actually done it.

And I understand why. It sounds clinical. It sounds like something you do when things are already serious. It sounds like giving up.

It's none of those things.

After nearly 20 years as a hospice RN, I've come to think of advanced care planning as one of the most loving things a person can do — for themselves and for the people they love. It's not about preparing to die. It's about making sure that however your life unfolds, your voice is heard and your wishes are honored.

Here's what it actually is, why now is the right time to start, and what to do if you're already in the middle of a health crisis.

What Is Advanced Care Planning, Really?

Advanced care planning is the process of thinking through, talking about, and documenting your wishes for future medical care — especially in situations where you might not be able to speak for yourself.

It includes:

• Identifying a healthcare proxy — the person who will make medical decisions on your behalf if you're incapacitated
• Completing an Advance Healthcare Directive — a legal document that records your wishes around life-sustaining treatment, resuscitation, artificial nutrition, and more
• Completing a POLST form (in California) — a medical order that translates your wishes into actionable instructions for emergency responders and healthcare providers
• Having the conversation — with your family, your doctor, and your healthcare proxy, so everyone understands what you want and why

It also includes the deeper work: getting clear on your values, what quality of life means to you, and what you want your legacy to be.

Why Your 60s Are the Ideal Time to Start

There's a common misconception that advanced care planning is for the elderly or the seriously ill. In reality, the best time to do this work is when you're healthy, clear-headed, and not under pressure.

Here's why your 60s are the sweet spot:

You're old enough to take it seriously

In your 40s and 50s, it's easy to feel like this is something you'll get to eventually. By your 60s, most people have had at least one experience — a parent's illness, a friend's diagnosis, a health scare of their own — that makes the stakes feel real.

You're young enough to do it on your own terms

When you plan ahead, you get to make these decisions thoughtfully, without the pressure of a crisis. You can take your time, ask questions, change your mind, and make sure the people in your life truly understand your wishes.

Your family still has time to prepare

One of the greatest gifts you can give your adult children is clarity. When they know your wishes — in writing, not just in conversation — they're spared the impossible burden of guessing what you would have wanted. That's not a small thing. That's the difference between a family that grieves together and one that fractures under the weight of guilt and conflict.

Your health may change faster than you expect

I've seen it happen many times: someone puts off the conversation, planning to get to it "when things slow down" — and then a diagnosis changes everything. Doing this work while you're healthy means you're doing it on your own terms, not in a hospital room.

What If You're Already in a Health Crisis?

Here's what I want you to hear clearly: it is never too late.

If you or someone you love is already facing a serious diagnosis, a sudden decline, or a difficult medical decision — advanced care planning is still possible, and still valuable. In fact, in many ways, it's even more urgent.

When a health crisis hits, the decisions come fast. What treatment options are available? What are the realistic outcomes? What does your loved one actually want? Who has the authority to speak for them?

These are questions that can be answered — even in the middle of a crisis — with the right support.

As a medical decision coach, I help families in exactly this situation. I help you:

• Understand your options — in plain language, not medical jargon
• Ask the right questions of your healthcare team
• Navigate family dynamics when everyone is scared and not everyone agrees
• Honor your loved one's wishes even when the situation is evolving rapidly
• Find peace in the decisions you make, knowing you did the best you could with the information you had

You don't have to figure this out alone. And you don't have to wait until things are "settled" to ask for help — because in a health crisis, things rarely settle on their own.

The Most Common Reasons People Put It Off (And Why They Don't Hold Up)

"I don't want to think about it."

I hear this all the time. And I understand it — these are heavy topics. But here's the thing: not thinking about it doesn't make it go away. It just means someone else will be making these decisions for you, under pressure, without knowing what you wanted.

"My family knows what I want."

Maybe. But do they have it in writing? And do they all agree? In my experience, families often discover they had very different understandings of what their loved one wanted — only after it's too late to ask.

"I'm not sick enough yet."

This is the most common one, and the most dangerous. Advanced care planning isn't a response to illness. It's a preparation for the unexpected. Accidents happen. Diagnoses come without warning. The time to make these decisions is before you need to.

"It's too complicated."

It doesn't have to be. With the right guidance, this process can be straightforward, even meaningful. That's exactly what I'm here for.

Taking the First Step

You don't have to do all of this at once. Start with one conversation. One document. One honest reflection on what matters most to you.

And if you're not sure where to begin — or if you're already in the middle of a health crisis and feeling overwhelmed — I'd love to talk.

A free 30-minute discovery call is the first step. We'll talk about where you are, what you're facing, and how I can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

Book your free discovery call